Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
