So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
