he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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