i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
