yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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