why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize