dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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