Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
why is half of my head shaved?
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