I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
