Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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