I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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