I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
