I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize