i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
