Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
