we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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