All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I currently don't understand fingers.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
