I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
