I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just tell him i said nine months
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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