Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
