Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
