They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wear drunk well.
try to milk me bitch
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
