Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
