He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
