I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
