I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need to sanitize my soul.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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