Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
