i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
