the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize