Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
