do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
