So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
