I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
