Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
