i think my tv is drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
