he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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