Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
