Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
