the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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