high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
