I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
