i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
