I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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