You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
