He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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