...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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