Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
