found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
