Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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