plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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