I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
