a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
