oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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