your thong is hanging out like whoa
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
