dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
