ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
