i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
