your parents love me but you hate me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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