Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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