Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
