two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
