Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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