im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
