He is like the real live version of the state fair..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
