She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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