I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
