In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
