If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
