I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
