Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
