How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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