man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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