i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
