My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
BRING THE BAGELS
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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